Erik Menendez is sharing insight into the guilt he’s carried for the last 30 years.

In Netflix’s The ChainkeenMenendez Brothers, Erik—who along with his brother Lyle Menendez, killed his parents José Menendez and Mary Louise “Kitty” Menendez in 1989—shared why he feels responsible for the murders and his brother’s subsequent arrest. 

“I went to the only person who had ever helped me, that ever protected me,” Erik, 53, explained in the documentary, released on Netflix Oct. 7. “Ultimately, this happened because of me, because I went to him.”

The Richard J. Donovan Correctional Facility inmate—who was 18 when he and Lyle, then-21, killed their parents—also feels partially to blame for their being caught. 

“And then afterward, let’s be honest, he was arrested because of me,” Erik—who confessed the murders to his therapist L. Jerome Oziel—added. “Because I told Dr. Oziel because I couldn’t live with what I did. I couldn’t live with it, I wanted to die. In a way I did not protect Lyle, I got him into every aspect of this tragedy, every aspect of this tragedy is my fault.”

However, Lyle does not believe their circumstances are the fault of his brother. As he put it in the documentary, “Part of this disastrous weekend occurred from me just being naive that somehow I could rescue Erik with no consequence.”

The 56-year-old emphasized that their logic for the crime—which they allege was carried out out of self-defense due to their father sexually and physically abusing them—was not sound. 

“I could confront my father, that my mother would somehow react for the first time in her life like a mother,” he recalled thinking. “Those were very unrealistic expectations.”

And while Erik’s feelings toward him and his brother’s arrest were vulnerable, it was far from the only shocking detail revealed in the new documentary. In fact, Erik also detailed how his feelings toward his parents—despite their deaths—were complicated. 

“One of the misconceptions is that I did not love my father or love my mother,” Erik explained elsewhere in the doc. “That is the farthest thing from the truth. I miss my mother tremendously. I wish that I could go back and talk to her and give her a hug and tell her I love her and I wanted her to love me and be happy with me and be happy that I was her son and feel that joy and that connection. And I just want that.”

And after serving nearly 30 years in prison, Erik and Lyle may soon walk free. The Menendez brothers’ lawyer Mark Geragos recently came forward with evidence that may allow them to be re-sentenced (each brother is currently serving life without the possibility of parole). 

The two pieces of evidence include a letter Erik had written to his cousin Andy Canto eight weeks before the murders which detailed his father’s abuse, as well as a declaration by former Menudo band member Roy Roselló alleging he had been abused by José—who worked with the Menudo band while he was an executive at RCA Records—in the Menendez residence. 

"Judge William Ryan issued what's called an informal request for reply,” the Menendez brothers’ lawyer explained in a Oct. 16 press conference. “That informal request for reply was to ask the DA to respond to the allegations of new evidence.”

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